Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
