have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
