Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
