ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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