honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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