Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
