I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
