saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
