Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
