don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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