Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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