im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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