My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
