This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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