Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
