I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
