You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
