I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
