i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
