Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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