just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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