party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
