Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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