i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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