Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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