i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
