just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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