sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
