my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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