it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
