did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
