no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
