I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
