Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
