dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
