I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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