i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
