My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
