If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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