the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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