M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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