All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
