It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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