Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
