Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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