what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
