Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
