this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
