It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
