I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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