The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
