Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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