I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
