things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
