It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
